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When the blue jacaranda mocked the sky
Sleep bound was she, the drowsy brilliance
below the whispering branch.

(Dreams)

Her Caño Cristales hair,
strewn amongst wild blue and green;
Partially over her wanderer, like a warm
crash of wave.

She understood,
"Your laurel tells of death
but I still need you."

And he,understanding, wept.
"Your garland speaks of the flowers, streams
and the meadows which is our home."

(She answers)

"Here, is where I still love you
this place, where arms renounce arms
with care, warmth  and adoration."

(He dreams)

"My arms tangle in shadows, and
my mind only imagines; night falls
on my face within the whirlpool."

(She in a dream)

"Kalypso; she cannot keep you.
Our fire was kindled
in the glorious Springtime,
and stays in all the places in
which we played. Wherein,
you loved me and I you.
The flames stay, waiting,
in the marital bed that you made."

-Once more, awake from the immensity-
The depths they spake in choirs
"Vast tracts of your life,
I will drown them before you,
in the wine dark;
like Agamemnon at the nave of Klytemnestra.
I will, make a myth of you."

(He continues)

No smoking altar, nor long dead God,
will extinguish the blaze that we made-
in the springtime, by the jacaranda.
No myth,of man shall mean
more than when I placed the garland atop your
silken curls. You stretched alongside me, arms reaching
out towards the warmth of sun.

Then spoke the words that set me forth;
They find me in all endeavors,
Throughout all trial,
Throughout all disaster, forever.
Those words, like the climbing lark
never waning,even in the face of Gia's
center.

You followed up the noon,
with a smile, and you said:

"For as long as I remain; my love.
I shall be the solid earth, at your
journey's end.
Our embraces will be like the
drowning man,
who reached the love of land."
You are welcome to quote me if you give me credit for the work, meaning citing properly. No stealing my work please.

Partly inspired by a group (Heart-of-Poetry [link]) prompt, "Journey".

If people do not get the references from "The Odyssey", than they should buy a copy, read it, and then 'understand the references'. lol
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:iconsadisticicecream:
Hello! I found this on the Literature Critique Thread. Please ignore the star rating. :)

I don't usually critique poetry because I typically write prose myself, but I thought I'd give it a try if you'll bear with me.

I really love the Odyssey, and I think you do great justice to it in this interpretation. All of your images are gorgeous and well-placed, and the overall rhythm of the piece adds up to a kind of melancholy that I think is appropriate (I read this as Odysseus speaking to Penelope in his mind even though they're separated because of course he's been wandering around/at war for twenty years, but correct me if I'm wrong).

I think the one thing that I would pay attention to in the revision is your verb tense. For example, in the first stanza, the first line is in the past tense with "mocked," but then in the next line, you say, "Sleep bound is she," suggesting the present tense. Then in the second stanza, the second line uses "strewn," but the fourth line uses "tell." Basically, I got confused about where in time I am -- is Penelope still waiting for Odysseus to come home, or is she recalling the past, while she's actually situated in the present and he is home?

Other than those sorts of issues, I found this poem very beautiful, and it was a joy to read. :)
What do you think?
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:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Jan 1, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I read this looking through today's DLDs (congratulations!) This is absolutely beautiful. A love poem without any overdone cliches or metaphors, something strong enough to warm my heart :heart: On top of that, the Odyssey references blended in perfectly. Wonderful job!
Reply
:iconcanis44:
Canis44 Featured By Owner Jan 1, 2013  Student Writer
Thanks so much; I am on a bit of a poetry craze. ;)
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:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Jan 1, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
That's good, then, because I adore reading well-written poetry :dummy:
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:iconcanis44:
Canis44 Featured By Owner Jan 1, 2013  Student Writer
Moreover, thanks for the fav.:)
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:icondailylitdeviations:
DailyLitDeviations Featured By Owner Jan 1, 2013
Your wonderful literary work has been chosen to be featured by DailyLitDeviations in a news article that can be found here [link]
Be sure to check out the other artists featured and show your support by :+fav:ing the News Article.
Reply
:iconcanis44:
Canis44 Featured By Owner Jan 1, 2013  Student Writer
Thanks a bunch. :D
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:iconoilux:
Oilux Featured By Owner Dec 31, 2012  Student Writer
Hello! Your wonderful literature has been featured on my Sunday Selects. Have a great day.
[link]





You got the formal comment and everything aren't you special
Reply
:iconcanis44:
Canis44 Featured By Owner Dec 31, 2012  Student Writer
Thank you ;)
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:iconoilux:
Oilux Featured By Owner Jan 1, 2013  Student Writer
You're welcome bro
Reply
:iconkathraw:
KathraW Featured By Owner Dec 15, 2012
Alright, I'm not much of a poetry reader. My skills normally thrive in a more prose-like setting, but, if it
means anything, I thought this was beautifully written.

Your use of diction was intriguing. Like, "she holds all his hopes" and others written in the same text
and style, really set a unique tone. It pulls you in and then pushes you back like the waves in the sea,
which is kind of clever for this theme. I reread a lot of things hoping to remember certain references,
but I only could pull a few things out of my ninth year in high school. Curses :XD: Hey, maybe you
can put in your description box the references you used, eh? Unless you wish to hit an audience that
has only read the Odyssey ^-'

Now from the ninth stanza down, was very interesting. A poem that does thought process and outer
speech, along with narrative all in one, is very unique and a seemingly difficult thing to accomplish as well. I
congratulate you in this skill. I sure as heck wouldn't be able to do this.

In all, I find this impressive and structured nicely. For a poem about an epic poem, it had a voice of its own.
This uniqueness that you seem to have, keep on to that. It'll make your future works that much more impressive.
Really continue building this talent. I can imagine even greater stuff from you later on ^-^
Reply
:iconcanis44:
Canis44 Featured By Owner Dec 15, 2012  Student Writer
Thank you for your kind words; as you wrote in your journal, not enough feedback is given to writers here on DA :(. I am writing a critical review of the first chapter of your story, "The Family". I will say, that I learned how to write 'critiques', by reading the essays and works of writers such as Christopher Hitchens, George Orwell, G.K. Chesterton etc. Therefore, I will be critical of your work, but I will be intellectually honest about it as well.
Reply
:iconkathraw:
KathraW Featured By Owner Dec 15, 2012
You're welcome. ^-^ You don't have to write a critique. All I care to know is if it's able to hook you in or not. Thanks though ^-^
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